I had a fill on Oct 11th. I guess I was hoping for a miracle. I didn't get it. :(
I have had my share of stress and yesterday I noticed that I am over eating. The week before I had gained a few pounds. I was out of town for my oldest daughter's surgery. Today, I got on the scale and I gained a few more. Thursday is my weigh in day, but I wanted to know the damage. It isn't pretty. I am up almost 4 pounds in the last 2 weeks. On Thursday I will post a more accurate number since I have not had any of my diuretics since last Thursday. Yes, I take them daily, they are part of my high blood pressure medication. I moved on Friday and was just too busy to take them since frequent bathroom trips are called for.
Friday, Ron picked up pizza for us. I did very well. I had the toppings off of 4 slices. Not too shabby. Especially since it was Little Cesars pizza. There isn't much topping on there to begin with.
Saturday I can't remember what we had for dinner. Sunday was the whopper. My SIL dropped off a Large Blimpie Sandwich. The girls were napping so I tore into half of it. Ate a bit of the bread, and all of the meat. WOW! I just ate half a footlong. Continued on with my day. Ron picked up Little Cesars pizza again for dinner plus a cheesy bread thingy. I had two whole slices (I believe) and three slices of the cheesy bread and that is after I went and had the third piece of cheesy bread. It all went down easy, I didn't get stuck, I didn't chew well, it was gobbled and inhaled. I literally ate without thinking. I was my old self. Granted, I did eat much less than I would have normally. I used to be able to EAT pizza like a champ.
Monday, I had the meat out of the Blimpie Sandwich before work. It held me over til lunch time when I went to get lunch. I ordered a Spinach tuna wrap on a bed of salad and a side of chicken salad for later. I hate half of my wrap ate the two pieces of tomatoes and two pieces of cucumber off of my salad. For my afternoon meal/snack I had the other half of the wrap. Let me explain that I work ten hour days and I eat an average of 3 times while at work. I don't or shall I say I have not over eaten at work because I plan my meals. Not saying it isn't possible but it hasn't happened. My 3 meals a day at work have allowed me to lose weight. I do go home and have some sort of dinner. Usually a soup because I feed myself something other than what I feed the girls.
Sooo, Monday after work I had to go and pick up some milk. My girls are both on bottles. Yes, my 3 year old too. Only she has one when she goes to sleep. Yes, its bad for their teeth. So far so good. I do plan on breaking her of that and she is aware of it. I have told her for months when she turns 3 she will not have a baba anymore. She once told me she didn't want to be 3 anymore. lol However, until we are moved and settled I will not do this to her. My 1 year old will also go off of the pacifier when this happens. She only gets her pacifier when it is time to go to sleep. Back to the milk, I went to a different store than normal and happened to head down the chip aisle on my way to find the milk. OH BOY! the chips landed in my cart so fast. I don't know how that happened. Once in the car I opened up the chips. They were my all time favorites. Lays Kettle BBQ... yummy. I picked up the girls, loaded up stuff from the apt, took it to the house, stopped by my parents to wish my mom happy birthday. Ran through Weinershnitzel to get my girls some corndogs. Fast and easy. NOT HEALTHY! But easy. By the time we got home the chips were gone. This was within a couple of hours. ABSOLUTELY gone and in my belly. Since it was an 8 ounce bag of chips does that mean I only had a "cup" of food? I was shocked that they were gone. They went down easy. No problems what so ever.
After I got the girls to bed and I crawled into bed myself I realized I had also eaten about one whole corn dog too. I was appalled that I had done this. NO LESSONS LEARNED in the last 5 months. Then I realized, my worries weren't as big as they have been before bedtime. I had reverted back to my old ways and had eaten to feel better. I fell asleep telling myself that tomorrow (today) would be a new day.
This morning I ordered the insides of a breakfast burrito times two. Yes, I ordered two plates. I ordered egg, bacon, ham, and cheese. I ordered two plates. I ate about half for breakfast. The other half about 2.5 hours later. Now I am eating lunch. Panda express 3 entree meal I am sharing with a co-worker. Today is a better day. I am stuffed and I continued to eat a bit more. Until that one more bite would be too much. NOW I feel happy. Have I failed completely? I don't think so. Did I do what I set out to do today? NOPE!
Here is to hoping for a better rest of the day.
I have no restriction.
I have not learned how to overcome feeling better with food.
I am worried I am going to fail at the band.
I DO EAT LESS THAN BEFORE. A whole lot less. I don't know if that "less" is going to be sufficient for weight loss.
I still depend on food to make me feel better. This may never end.
Hoping the rest of my day is better.
One meal at a time.