Blog Disclaimer

Blog Disclaimer: When I write I don't have an outline or such. I write off of the top of my head. I don't even bother to edit. If I were to edit I feel I would change the post entirely. I post what I feel at that given moment. It may even jump around a bit. Read at your own discretion. =)

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

What scale do you use?

I have seen these posts around quit a bit and NEVER paid any attention to the comments.  My scale worked great.  It was off only .2 from the Drs office so I was happy. 

This morning, I got on a scale and had an ALL TIME LOW!!!  A low I haven't since since January 2 or 3rd of 1999 after leaving my husband and losing weight.  How excited was I this morning?  Woohoo I couldn't believe it.  Well, I got off the scale and did a little happy dance, literally, I really did and I got back on the scale.  MISTAKE,  I had gained 3 pounds after my happy dance.  Got back on again, I weighed differently.  Either I am gaining and losing weight within seconds of each other or I need a new scale. 

I love my weight watchers scale that I currently have.  Now I don't like it so much since it took away my all time low.  :(

What do you use?
What have you used?
What should I stay away from?

Monday, November 29, 2010

Just an update on my band and life

It feels like forever and a day since I last blogged. 

I got a bit wrapped up in the holiday and got to spend four days with my girls.  My little runt is finally talking up a storm.  She had me in tears so many times over the last few days.  I couldn't be prouder of her accomplishments.  Granted she is almost 2 and is barely talking, but now she is making up for lost time.  Just a couple of weeks we had our first form of communication (she would put her finger in her mouth to let me know she wanted something to eat or drink) and now she is "talking".  I can't imagine what I am going to do when she puts more than two words together or forms a sentence. 

Here is the latest in life:

- Dad is in the hospital.  We almost lost him.  He is a paraplegic and is prone to bladder infections.  Well, this one went septic.  He has been in the hospital since last Tuesday.

- Baby Isabella came home from the hospital last Wednesday.  She is thriving. 

- My house is almost all decorated for Christmas.  I may not be unpacked but I definitely have a festive house. 

- My oldest daughter says that Christmas is "Jesus Birthday."  She makes mama proud too.

Band update:

- After my second fill I was super duper tight.  I lost almost 5 pounds during the 48 hours of liquids I was on too.  I was as tight as could be.  Or so I thought.  :(

- I was able to eat anything and everything I wanted over the weekend.  Bread, absolutely no problem.  That really sucks for me.

- I managed to lose a pound over the holiday. 

- I seem to be able to eat fast, not chew well, and eat often.  Other than portion size, I wouldn't know I had a band. 

- I think I need to work my band more than I am.  That is my plan anyways. 

- I am still drinking before, during, and after a meal.  I am not able to overcome this.  I do it subconsciously that I am I left thinking WTF after I have done it. 

- I didn't take one of my blood pressure medications which is a diuretic since last Wednesday, I am hoping to see a loss by tomorrow. 

- I should be grateful for the loss I have had and not dwell on the fact that it isn't coming off as fast as it once was.


- I meant to post this one sooner.  I moved into "my" bathroom at my house a couple of weeks ago.  My shower is just a stall.  When I went to shave my legs I didn't have a ledge to put my foot on so, I just bent over and shaved.  After the fact I realized WOW!, I don't need a ledge my stomach isn't in my way like before.

- I decorated the outside palm trees with Christmas lights and never got tired, winded, or took a break.  I am still amazed at this one. 

- My car seat has a memory button that I programmed back in 2009 sometime... I now need to adjust it.  My stomach isn't in the way like before. 

- I went all four days off without a nap and was almost constantly doing something.  Don't get me wrong, by the end of the day I am exhausted and feel like I could sleep standing up.  My point is:  I can make it through a day not as exhausted as I was months ago. 

- I have lost nearly 70 pounds since I first saw my surgeon. 

- I am finally feeling "lighter"

Have a good day all!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

What I am Thankful for

My daughters:  I love you girls more than you will ever know or can possibly imagine.  The two of you have made my life complete.  You girls, will always be my love and joy.  You are also my greatest accomplishment in life. 

My sister:  In so many ways you are my best friend.  We fight a lot, (over nothing really) but we love each other to no end.  You are my rock sister.  You are ALWAYS there when I need you.  I know you won't read this, but I love you dearly.

My friends:   

Blondie, my bond to you is no different than the bond to my sister.  I love you girl. Almost 30 years later and I still turn to you. 

D,  even though it seems we have reached the end of our friendship, I will love you dearly and cherish all the fun times we had.  I pray for time to put us back to where we were. 
Rose, we are living our child dreams we just aren't together.  I am so proud of you and all your accomplishments.  You are the successful one out of all of us.  You go girl!

Maggie, my dearest friend on the earth.  I wish we lived closer.

Ron, thank you for being you.

Sandi, for what you tried to do for our family.  I still wish things were different.  

My family:  Mom, Dad, Brother, I love you!

My employer: I am fortunate to have a job that provides a roof over our head and food on our table.  Just fortunate to be employed. 

Our new home:  It is just what the girls and I needed.  We were fortunate to find the right home at the right price and at the right time.  God works wonders.

Thank you God for taking care of my daughters during their surgeries and keeping them healthy the rest of the time. 

Thank you God for taking care of Baby Isabella. 

Thank you God for Baby Kelsee. 

Thank you God for blessing me with my wonderful life.

Edited to include my Lap Band thanks.

I am thankful for my Lap Band and the opportunity it is giving me to be healthy once again. 

Thank you LOLA, my Lap Band for the weight loss tool I needed for the 27 pound loss since surgery on August 19th. 

What are you thankful for?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

What I forgot to say about my fill yesterday.

I really hate to post from my phone and that was the case last night.  Lately I had noticed a little bump on my port scar.  Its been there for a couple of weeks or so possibly longer.  I didn't mention it to the Dr because it never even entered my mind.  My Dr said it looks like I have a stitch trying to come out.  I then remembered the bump that is kind of like a pimple bump.  So I asked if that was the bump, she said yes and that I must have popped a stitch.  She did have a harder time accessing my port yesterday.  She actually had to switch sides on the table to get to it.  It hurt a lot more  because of her manipulating it too.  Now I have to wonder what I did to pop a stitch and make the port loose.  At my next fill on Jan 10th she will let me know if we need to do anything about it at that time. 

In my mind I know what I did, I picked up my girls during recovery.  There is no way to be a mother without picking up your children.  They were both in cribs during that time.  I guess that can explain why it hurts and why I had that period of time when it hurt so much before.

Also, there was a gal after me that came in for her fill when she went back she came back out and I commented on how fast she was done.  She said they didn't do a fill for her and that she was tight enough since she had lost 9 pounds in six weeks.  I was thinking WTF again.  How does my Dr think that only half a pound a week is acceptable.  I was hoping to lose at least ten by my next fill.  I know slow and steady is the key to success, but heck, I could have lost half a pound a week on my own without the band.  YEAH RIGHT!!!  I know the truth, I NEED MY BAND.

Monday, November 22, 2010


WOW!  Nothing else can be said. Amey sent me two of the biggest boxes of clothes. You can literally fit my but in the box that's how big they are. 

I feel like it is Christmas already.

When I wear something she sent I will post a pic so long as I have someone that can take one.  My 3 year old isn't capable yet. lol

Amey sent me a jacket too, yup I'm wearing that tomorrow.  :)  I am so blessed to have "met" her. All of you bloggers actually. Thank you for your love & support.

Good night all!

2nd fill

Today was my 2nd fill. It was pretty uneventful which I am grateful for. I got 2ccs for a total of 6 ccs in my 14cc band. I lost five pounds these last six weeks. I will take it. Especially since I did have a gain in there and my weekend full of buffets. So I will take my loss and smile about it. I am now at a total loss of exactly 66 pounds since my journey started. That loss does includes lowering my BMI & getting my liver healthier/unfat(ter). From May 18th to today I lost 66 pounds. I still can't freaking believe it.  
When I weighed in for my fill I was disappointed with only a five pound loss.  My Dr said she would like to see a half pound loss per week. WTF!  Talk about confusion as to what would be a good amount. I want at least a 1.5 pound loss per week.  Well, at least I hope for a 1.5 pound loss a week. 

I was the first fill appointment today and I got in & out pretty fast or at least I think so anyways. I had to stay and drink 24 ounces of water afterwards. OMGee it felt so weird to drink. 

Oh yeah, while I was having the fill done I was gurgling. It was strange. I almost had her stop but she was finished at that point. I had a smoothie after my fill and some soup about two hours later. I can definitely tell the difference. This sensation of getting full so fast seems very "strange" to me.  I am saying that is retrosspect and that is because I had soft serve ice cream for dinner and I got full of of about 3 ounces and it felt like I had over eaten and had a rock in my stomach.  Its been about two hours since I ate it and I still feel uncomfortable.

I am hoping I am not going to need an unfill. Share your thoughts with me.

Have a good night all!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

2nd fill coming up and I want a miracle!

Read the following article and tell me what you think.  

Its Not About Restriction by Dr. Terry Simpson on Losing the Fluff Blog

This post has stayed with me since I first saw it.  I even have it bookmarked on my phone. I am not sure how I found it and I haven't done any research on the author, but something completely stood out for me.  I did have an appointment to see Dr. Simpson, but decided to have surgery in my hometown instead of traveling 170 miles each way for after care. 

"Some describe a "soft stop." Where before a sense of fullness occurs, there is a signal from your body -- this can be a runny nose, a sigh, or a subtle ache in the left shoulder. Patients who find this "soft stop," do very well with the band."

I know what my "soft stop" is.  I first sigh, a big sigh and it is noticeable.  I have tried to deny it is there, but it is.  I think I have another one too.  I think my nose starts to run when I am full too.  I am a bit iffy on this one for a couple of reasons.
1.  I  probably don't want to acknowledge it is there.
2.  It could be the salsa / hot sauce.
3.  I had sinus surgery in June and I suffer from allergies.
Okay, I am more than likely in denial that either one exists and is obvious to me.  :(

That article made me open my eyes.  Made me realize the wrong I have done to my band. I have shared that blog info with only two people.  My sister and Ron.  I know I have all the signs but in retrospect, I knowingly deny the fact that they are there.

Here is what I am hoping for on my second fill.  In no particular order either just writing off of the top of my head.

1.  I am hoping I WILL have trouble eating ANYTHING I want.  I hope I will not be able to eat bread anymore.  I can eat shrimp, I can eat anything I choose to put into my mouth.

2.  I am hoping to learn the difference between restriction and appetite suppression and find out which one is the one that works best for me.

3.  I am going to start measuring my food more often AND not eat off of the BIG plate if I am out to eat.  Somethings I can eyeball very well others I have no concept.  

4. I absolutely need to stop drinking while I eat.  This WILL BE my hardest to overcome.  I need to have something to "wash" the food down with.

5.  I need to start exercising.  Yes, I can come up with excuses not to during the work week.  However, there is Thursday night,  Friday, Saturday, and Sunday day.

6.  I need to count my calories more since I have learned that less calories work better for me.

7.  I need to up my protein,  My hair loss is still outrageous. I even cut my hair and layered it with short layers.

8.  I need to plan healthier dinners for myself which includes my girls.  Dinner seems to get me every single time.

9.  I will try to listen to my body when it tells me I am done and I get that "sigh" or "runny nose" even if I have only had one bite of something.

10.  I am going to rock this next fill and have some accountable weight loss.

When I check in I anticipate a 1 lb per week weight loss. I would love to see more.  I just hope I don't see less.  The scale tells me its about a 6 lb loss.  I could say to myself that slow and steady is better.  What I am not saying to myself is, oh yeah girl, you gained weight and had to lose it too.  I can't tear myself up over that anymore.  I am taking it as a lesson learned am I am looking forward to the next 6 week learning experience.

Will you share with me your thoughts on appetite suppression versus restriction?

Which works for you?
Which do you use?
Do you consider both to be just as important as the other?

Share your stories with me.

What are your comments on the article by Dr. Terry Simpson?  

Have a great day all!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Life isn't perfect, but life is good. =)

That is my facebook status today.  I know life will never be perfect, but I definitely have a great life. 

I finally feel like I am back in control. Everything else is just a speed bump that is going to slow me down, but I can get over those. 

Life is good!!!

Hope you are all having a great day. 

Does liquids have to be just water?

Does iced tea count as getting water in?  I have noticed my water consumption is down and my iced tea consumption is way up.  If iced tea counts than I am definitely meeting my "water" goal. 

Do you all only drink water?

Have a great day all!

Monday, November 15, 2010

100 truths

This was sent to me on facebook. 

 1. Last beverage:

Iced Tea with Lemon

 2. Last phone call: 

Work phone call.

3. Last text message:


 4. Last song you heard:

Just The Way You Are, by Bruno Mars

5. The last time you cried:



6. Got back with someone you've broken up with:

Yes, it still didn't work out.  lol

 7. Been cheated on:

Yes  :(

 8. Kissed someone & regretted it: 


 9. Lost someone special:

Yes, my grandmother

10. Been depressed: 

Yes :(

11. Been drunk and threw up: 

YES.  (poor me)



12.  Hot Pink

13. Purple

14. Black



15. Made a new friend: 


16. Fallen out of love: 


17. Laughed until you cried: 

Just did that all weekend long.

18. Met someone who changed you:  


19. Found out who your true friends were:

Yes, but I have always known. 

20. Found out someone was talking about you: 


21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friend's list:


22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: 

Not all, but I plan to meet the special ladies someday!

23. How many kids do you want?:

The two that I have

24. Do you have any pets?: 

2 dogs and a cat

 25. Do you want to change your name:

Nope, I am happy with my daddy's name. 

 26. What did you do for your last birthday: 

Went to the gay bar called  "The Closet"

 27. What time did you wake up?: 

3:15 am.  Tossed and turned until the alarm went off at 4:30 am.

 28. What were you doing at midnight last night?:


29. Name something you CANNOT wait for?:

The day I become a grandma!

 30. Last time you saw your Mother:

3 days ago

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: 

I wish I could be a stay at home mom. 

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: 

Yes, and kissed him too.  :)

34. Who is getting on your nerves now?: 

me, myself, and I.  :(

35. Most visited website?:


36. Whats your real name:

Angela Yvonne Smith

37. Who's your best friend?:

Sister, Diana Smith

38. Relationship Status: 


39. Zodiac sign: 


40. Male or female?:


41. Primary School?: 


42. Secondary School?:


43. High school/college?:


44. Hair color:

Dark Brown

45. Long or short:

Medium, a week ago it was long.  

46. Height:


47. Do you have a crush on someone?:


48: What do you like about yourself?:

That I am me!

49. Piercings: 

4.   2 in each ear

50: Tattoos:

Hummingbird with a hibiscus on my left foot.

51. Righty or lefty:




First surgery:

Left ankle surgery

53. First piercing:

The day I got home from the hospital after being born.

54. First best friend:

Her name was Dawn and lived down the street from me.  Her father was a Marine and got stationed somewhere else.  I wish I could remember her last name.  

55. First sport you joined: 


56. First vacation:

Disneyland. I remember barely fitting in the teacups. 

58. First Kiss:

I will never tell.  I was young.  :)



59. Eating:

Just had a ham & cheese roll up

60. Drinking:

Iced Tea with Lemon

61. I'm about to:

Answer the phone

62. Listening to:

Yahoo Radio

63. Waiting for: 

When I can hold my girls again.  Okay, actually waiting to get off work so I can pick up the girls at daycare. 


64. Want kids?:

No, just grandchildren. 

65. Get married?:

Doesn't appeal to me.  Been there, done that.

 66. Career:

I would like to teach.

 7. Lips or eyes:


68. Hugs or kisses: 

Hugs.  Can I have one now?

69. Shorter or taller: 

Taller 70. Older or Younger:


71. Romantic or spontaneous:  


72. Nice stomach or nice arms:

For hugs, nice arms.   To look at (lust after) nice stomach

73. Sensitive or loud:


74. Hook-up or relationship:



76. Kissed a stranger:


77. Drank hard liquor:


78. Lost glasses/contacts: 


80. Broken someone's heart:

I think so

82. Been arrested:


83. Turned someone down:


84. Cried when someone died: 

Well of course. 

85. Fallen for a friend:




86. Yourself: 


87.  Believe in God?:


88. Love at first sight: 

Yes, but its more like lust at first sight.

89. Heaven:


90. Santa Claus: 

I wish I still did.  :)

91. Kiss on the first date:

I have

92. Angels:




94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: 


 95. Did you sing today?:

Not yet. 

 96. Ever cheated on somebody?: 

If kissing counts then yes.  :(

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?

I wouldn't for the sake of not having my girls now.

98. The moment you would choose to relive?: 

The adoption day when the girls became MINE!

 99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: 


100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths?: 

Afraid no. Apprehensive, yes!

Uncle Brad

23 years after we first met. Brad and I after breakfast. :)
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OH EMM GEEE!!! I can eat. :(

I had a friend come and visit me from out of town over the long weekend.  Okay, so he is an ex-boyfriend, but friend is a good word for him.  He stayed on my couch.  He is allergic to cats and the futon room made him sneeze.  :(  The girls and I miss him terribly. 

He loves to eat.  He is actually the one that introduced me to "eating out" and "good" stuff.  Good lessons learned that I have enjoyed since I was 18. I LOVE TO EAT!!!  I definitely enjoyed our eating adventure.

I will say OH MY GOODNESS can I eat.  Where in the heck is my band?  Is it only because I have had one fill?  Is it because I miss food?  Or is it because I am failing? 

Our eating adventure started out normal.  I didn't over eat.

Thursday:  Breakfast:  Breakfast Burritos, ate what I would normally eat.  Probably a total of a third to one half of a  burrito.  I had two different kinds. 
                     Lunch:   I think we skipped lunch.
                     Dinner:  Buffet, all you can eat Chinese buffet.  I ate a lot.  Not anywhere near "before band" normal.  Definitely a lot more than I normally eat now.

Friday:  Breakfast:: Buffet, all you can eat made to order omelette breakfast.  Definitely overate.  Still not to "before band" normal.
               Lunch, skipped again, was told not to eat and wait for dinner.  :(
               Dinner:  Buffet, all you can eat Alaskan King Crab Legs.  I think we might have been at  the "before band" normal eating.  I felt myself get full... AND, I still had more.  I think I felt a little "pop" while eating and then I continued to eat. It was so freaking good and Crab is my all time favorite.  I paid a price for it once we got home.  :(  Next time I will eat so I am not "starving" when I finally get some food. 

Saturday:  Breakfast: I had a bagel & laughing cow cheese. Snacked a bit, okay,            probably a lot!
                  Lunch: I had nachos
                  Dinner:  I made pot roast had a normal post band serving.  :) AND... one slice of garlic bread and a asiago cheese bread loaf, it was a small loaf and I shared.  :(
                  Desert:: Coconut Cream Pie

Sunday:  Breakfast::  Buffet, all you can eat omelette again. Yes, I overate, it has now become a habit again. 
               Lunch:  none if you don't count the coconut cream pie. 
               Dinner, Chinese, normal post band serving.

Today:  Back to basics.  Smaller portions.  Maybe not the greatest choices, but definitely smaller.  Hamburger slider for breakfast and one for lunch with some tater tots.  The electrical department is celebrating a birthday and we got the leftovers.  So far I have had my 10 pretzel wheat sticks for a total of 100 calories that I split into two - five stick servings. 

Am i worried about being able to eat so much.  Heck yeah!  Am I scared I will fail my band?  ABSOLUTELY!

As of today, I am making better choices and going back to basics.  Fortunately, I did lose 2 pounds from last week's challenge weigh in.  I still use Thursday as my official weigh in day.  I hope I have good news to share then. 

Have a great day all!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I Wish Wednesday.

Going to follow Drazil's lead. 

I wish for happiness for everyone.  I think I am close to being me again.  It feels great. 

I wish love for everyone too.  Love is amazing and feels super great. 

I wish for you all to meet your goals.  I am doing okay in that area.  No gain so I am good. 

I also wish my house would organize and sort itself out.  I wish the furniture was in place etc.  Its just me doing this and it will take time.  I still try daily to blink my eyes and twitch my nose.  It just doesn't seem to work. 

Have a great day all,

Thursday, November 4, 2010

STOP, don't sing me Happy Birthday!

This is a picture of my belated 3 year old's Birthday Party. She is literally yelling STOP while we are singing happy birthday. Complete with hand gesture too. She is very opinionated. Friend told me yesterday that they see my mom in her. Poor girl! lol
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Willa, Sugar, or Poopette

This is our new puppy. The girls love her!
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Weely Weigh In & Update

Today I hit my lowest since 1998.  It is actually my TOM and I wasn't going to get on the scale because I didn't want the disappointment.  Well, I was surprised, I lost 2 pounds since since last week.  Still watching calories.  Not really counting just watching them as they go in my mouth.  I am kinda just kidding.  hahahaha  Seriously, I am not keeping track but making better food choices.  I still have my moments where all I eat is crap after crap.  I think this is working for me since I have lost about 4 pounds in 2 weeks.  Or, maybe the plateau just ended.  Either way, YAY ME!!!

I will say Halloween didn't do me in.  I have always been okay with sweets.  I have had more candy here at work than I did the whole weekend.  My downfall is food.  However, I did have my daughters belated 3rd Birthday party and the cake has just about done me in.  I got a white strawberry filled cake with butter cream frosting AND it was surrounded by cupcakes.  OH MY GOODNESS, it IS delicious. 

I have been super busy and haven't posted much.  I couldn't tell you why I have been busy other than I was trying to get the house presentable for the birthday party.  I have been in bed early each night. 

I did get us a new puppy she is a lab / shepherd mix.  That is what I was told.  Her parents are about 45 pounds or so and don't really look like either a lab or shepherd.  I was hoping for a bigger dog since she will the girls' protector.  Either way, she will be perfect whatever size she ends up being.  I have her sleeping in one of the pack and plays in the girls room at night so she can learn that that is where she will be sleeping.  During the day, I lock her up in my bathroom.  Good thing I removed the rugs. :(  Today will be day two.  Yesterday I had to throw away her pillow and wash the sheet.  Today she got a piddle pad and a blankie.   Can't quite decide her name.  When I first saw her I thought sugar.  She looks like brown sugar to me.  Now that we have had her for the second night she is very willfull (not sure if that is a word) and was thinking Willa.  My oldest daughter calls her both.   I think poopette would probably fit her well too.  lol

Life is getting better and I am doing much better mentally.  Physically I guess it just doesn't matter how much weight I lose my knees are still killing me.  My primary care physician said we can't undo the damage.  Obviously the arthritis doesn't help it either. My back has been hurting more now too.  Any of you go through that?

Baby Isabella is more than likely coming home next week.  They originally said it would be around Thanksgiving or so after her surgery.  She is now 7lbs 2oz.  She has come a long way from 3lbs 3oz.  She is definitely a fighter.  Grauntie (since I am a GReat AUNTIE) couldn't be happier.  I am sure you can only imagine how my niece and sister feel.

I was given a new (used) toddler bed for Leeah last night so I am going to give Baby Isabella one of the cribs which is currently the toddler bed for my oldest  so she can have a nice place to come home to.  I am also giving her my old baby room decorations and such.  I am going to surprise my niece by having it all set up for her.  I am super excited I get to decorate another room.  :)

Baby Kelsee, my daughter's biological sister that I fostered for a short time is doing well.  She is still in Foster Care, but my brother, her father and mother are doing well and are making progress in life.  I hope they get her back.  They have until February to get it all together. 

My youngest is doing well from her eye surgery.  I read the surgery report and it made my stomach turn to realize what she really went through.  All I can say is thank you God for holding her hand through it all. 

Have a great day all!