Blog Disclaimer

Blog Disclaimer: When I write I don't have an outline or such. I write off of the top of my head. I don't even bother to edit. If I were to edit I feel I would change the post entirely. I post what I feel at that given moment. It may even jump around a bit. Read at your own discretion. =)

Monday, August 30, 2010

NSV to tears.

I had a couple of return items to take back to Lane Bryant today. One was a pair of sandals. Who woulda thunk my feet would lose weight.  lol That isn't even my Non Scale Victory.  My NSV came in the form that I was actually able to try on anything I wanted and it all fit. My very first NSV!  I don't even care that what I tried on was 26/28's. That just tells me there is more to come.  Or, more to lose. 

As for my tears I will start by saying that the guilt I feel is unreal.   Kelsee my neice/foster baby is now in Foster Care. I don't know if it is for the best or not. I feel she should at the very least be with family since she can't be with her mother.  I also feel that I could have prevented this from happening and therefore my guilt. However, I am a single mother to an almost 3 year old in October and a 19 month old that was just diagnosed as autistic last Friday. My responsibility is to my children and making sure that I do everything that I possibly can for them with making any sacrifices. Unfortunately I don't think I can physically take on a 3rd child permanantly.  Which could be a possibility if my brother and his wife do not follow the plan set out for them to get Kelsee back.

My brother and his wife seem to be on the right track to getting Kelsee back. The judge will seek to sever parental rights at their first mis-step or dirty urinalysis. They are currently enrolled in parenting classes, drug classes/counseling, and doing everything necessary to get Kelsee back.  They have six months to do it in.   The judge made it very clear today that they do not get any chances. First mistake and they will lose Kelsee. 

I have been praying with all my might that God will bring Kelsee home.  I sure hope my brother and his wife realize what is really at stake. 

I actually thanked Kelsee's foster family today for taking care of her. I don't think my brother or his wife said anything to them. They seem really nice, a bit young, and very concerned for her well being. They seem to adore her.  What more could you ask her?  Their faces just light up talking about her. I'm a bit jealous that they have her.  A bit disappointed in myself and extremely guilty that I can't handle a third child. 

What an emotional day. 


  1. Can't imagine how hard that must be. At least you've met the foster family & they care about her. It's too bad your brother & sis-in-law can't step up to the plate to clean up or stop having children. You're doing an excellent job though, it's not your fault.

  2. You are looking great Angela!! I love try-on shopping...I know I can't afford to buy more than a top or two but I love trying on a bunch of stuff just to know I could wear it if I could buy it. Carmen will probably kick my ass for saying that...but I always hang up my own clothes and put them back by myself.

    About not feel guilty. Someone told me once, you have to know your limits, know your children and what you can and cannot do. And you have to give yourself permission to not take on more than you can handle. You are a very caring, wonderful mom and the fact that you can put their needs above your own guilt shows that loud and clear!! It sounds like Kelcee is in a good home and will be loved and cared for. Take care of yourself and your daughters....and Ron too ;)

  3. You shouldn't feel guilty. Even though Kelsee is family, she's not your child and you can only handle what you can handle. You were kind enough to take in the first two children your brother and his wife couldn't take care of. The third, right now, is just asking too much. Sounds like she's in good hands for now.

  4. Congrats on your NSV. I was in Lane Bryant the other day and was happy to fit into a smaller size than usual. You are correct that your first priority is to your children. It sounds like your niece is in good hands. Hope your brother and wife pull it together.