My head is spining around and around

Just got the call from the hospital with my final instructions.  I am to arrive at the hospital at 7:30 am.  Surgery is scheduled for 9am Thursday.   The nurse today also asked if I wanted to post pone my surgery because of Kelsee.  I said I was ready.  Now I am wondering if I am going to get there and they aren't going to do the surgery.  I will have a rather large support system with me at the hospital.  My sister, my mom, my friends and my Ron.  :)  Once the Bariatric nurse sees my support system I think she will understand I am ready. 

Today I meet with CPS at 5:30 pm in regards to Kelsee.  I have asked CPS if the mom could move in with me.  After two days of dropping of 3 children and 1 dog I realize that I cannot do this long term.  I will find out how CPS wants to handle this and what the restrictions are and what my options are if I need to ask the mom to leave.  I will admit, I can use the help of an extra body after surgery.  Once I don't need her how am I going to feel?  I laid down some rules with Bio Mom and the first one was... There will only be one mom to the girls and that is me.  She is ok with it, she has no choice.  It must kill her to know she gave birth to them, but they call me mommy.  Hopefully she will learn. 

I have lost 43 pounds as of this morning since May 18th.  14 of those pounds came of during pre-op diet.  WOW!!!  I still find it hard to believe I have actually lost that weight.  My clothes look horrible on me.  Ron tells me it is just a temporary inconvenience.  My amazing man continues to amaze me. 

Ron and I went to lunch over the weekend.  I ordered a fried chicken strip salad.  Yes, I did order it.  Only after having Ron pick out which salad I was having since he was going to eat the "BAD" parts.  Once I got my salad I proceeded to strip it down.  All the chicken went on one plate and croutons on another.  When we were done eating I made a phone call.  While on the phone I picked up a crouton and stuck it in my mouth without even thinking.  Yes, I did that too.  lol  I did realize I had done it but I didn't spit the crouton out until I had sucked all the flavor out of it.  I asked Ron if he saw, he said yes and that it made him chuckle.  That crouton was the final "thing" that made me realize I have definitely made the right decision to have lap band surgery.  Yes, I was contemplating canceling.  One crouton changed all of that. 

I am writing this as I eat my last lunch salad for a few weeks.  I think my last meal tonight will be a cucumber.  lol  I know my journey has only begun.  Yet, I feel I am where I am because of the decision I made years ago to have a medical intervention done for my weight.  I am ready to be a better me!

Things I have given up and don't really miss. Homemade folded chicken tacos.  I LOVE them.  Will I be able to cook them for my family?  I hope so, they love them more than I do.  PIZZA, I miss you terribly.  Thank you for the many years we have had.  I am sure I will "visit" with you again.  All else, well... it is what it is. 

Have a great day everyone!