How could I?

Today is my Friday.  I didn't have an awful week just a normal week, but I am so tired. On my way to pick up the girls from daycare after work all I could think about was stopping at Redbox to get Tinkerbell for the girls to watch and having pizza for dinner.  Sounded like the perfect "Friday" night end of the work week type of thing to do until I realized I can't have pizza. 

How could this have happened? Today was the first day I haven't thought about my band and automatically reverted back to my old ways.  How could I have forgotten I have a band on my stomach? How could I have almost relapsed back to my old life prior to May 18th when I started my diet to lower my BMI? Back then pizza & movies went together and I would have had pizza every night if possible. How could I actually be disappointed I couldn't have pizza?  I just want to know how could I???

I can honestly say that the one and only time real food bothered me was a week post-op and I went in a restaurant out of town.  I have been able to be in restaurant and not feel I am suffering.  People can order anything they want and I can handle seeing them eat it.  I am ok with this. I have psychologically been okay with the "loss" of food in my life.  I made the decision to give up my old lifestyle. I have no regrets. I just don't know how I could have forgotten I have a band.  

Filling Up Woody

Filling up Woody the pinata for this year's company BBQ.

Good thing candy isn't my weakness.

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My port hurts. I'm tired. Am I eating too much?

My port has been hurting since Sunday.  It started all of a sudden.  More like an ache. Then a localized pain. Now it even feels swollen.  Before I could put my palm on my port & I would just feel the port. Now when I put my palm on my port it feels like my palm is "full" as if the port & muscle are pushing against my palm.  I am finding it hurts when I get up and can't straighten myself completey out and am walking kind of hunch backed.  It also hurts around the port a little tender around the area.  Should I be concerned?  Did any of you feel this?  Does it go away?

I have been extremely tired lately.  I have also been feeling a bit dizzy when walking. I can best describe it as a floating feeling.  I have had high blood pressure since I was 16 and weighed 141.  They call it the "silent killer" for a reason because you can't tell if its high or low. I am wondering if maybe my blood pressure medication is too strong since I have now lost 57 lbs.  I am seeing my primary care physician tomorrow.  I am hoping that is all it is and is that simple.  I would hate to have him say it may be because of my lap bad and I'm not eating enough. 

How much do all of you eat?  I can eat a cup of mushies and feel quite full. I checked in with my bariatric nurse and I felt chastised.  She told me "Eating more is not the goal, you should be eating no more than 4 ounces It doesn't matter what fits in the pouch, that is a stretchable moving stomach". That was in response to me saying "I am finding I can eat more and more often now.  It is much easier to eat too. 8 oz now fits. Is that normal? Or am I over doing it? I do measure." I still feel as if though I got a spanking. :(

I have lost 16 lbs since surgery on Aug 19th.  I have heard through the grapevine that if you have lost more than 10 lbs in 6 weeks post op you don't get a fill.  I am starting to feel like a failure. 

Please share your thoughts. 

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I Wish Wednesday

I wish my port wasn't hurting.  I feel like I am even walking hunched over a bit because it hurts to stand tall.

I wish for Isabella to continue to improve.

I wish for Baby Kelsee to be in the arms of her parents.

I wish for my oldest daughter's outpatient surgery next week to go well.  It should be fairly minor I am the one freaking out.  I may post details about it later. 

I wish for us to be able to make it to my youngest daughter's appointment after my other daughter's surgery.  Both appointments are out of town in Phoenix.  

I wish I wasn't becoming scale obsessed. I gained 6 oz this morning. :(

I wish life weren't so savory right now. :)

B.O.O.B.S. Questionaire

 I wasn't going to but I did!

BOOB's questionaire

Hi all the boobie girls! Someone much more organized than I am thought it would be fun to know more about you, and she enlisted me to think of some crazy questions…so…this is sort of a Gillyified version of Drazil’s BYOC. Knock yourselves out.

1) You’re trapped on a desert island and you can bring only 3 of your favorite foods along. What do you bring?

1.  My homemade pizza with thin crust, extra cheese & pepperoni, bacon, black olives 

2.  My homemade Chicken Folded Tacos with extra Cotija cheese

3.  Chips and Salsa extra chunky with very little onion

2) If you could meet any 3 people, living or dead, who would they be and why?

1.  Marilyn Monroe, need I say more?

2.  Miles Davis, I love his music Blues & Jazz are my fave. I even named my dog JAZZmyn

3.  Etta James, she sings "At Last" my most favorite song.  (I do believe in love just don't think it is for me)

I was going to say Jesus but he is already in my heart so I think I am good. 3) What is your stripper name? (take the name of your first pet and the name of the street you grew up on)

Sheila 13th or Sylvia 13th.  I don't remember which dog was first.  However they were both Irish Setters and I wish I could get one for my girls.  We could go with my alter ego too... Mistress Stiletto (borrowed from a friend ty-blondie).  I love the sound of it and wish I could be her.  :)

4) How old were you when you lost your virginity? Alternative question if you don’t want to answer this: What is your LEAST favourite part of your bod since losing weight? Your MOST favourite since losing weight?

I was 16 he was 23 and a Marine.  We were engaged.  I think my parents hated him.  

Least favorite is my side boobs and back fat/rolls

Favorite is my face because it is thinner.

5) Do you believe in ghosts or evil spirits? Would you be willing to spend a night alone in a house that is supposedly haunted? 

 

Yes I do believe in ghosts, spirits, orbs, etc.  NO, I will absolutely effing not sleep in a haunted house alone.   I will join all of you and hope I can run the fastest. 

6) What is your natural hair colour? If you dye it something completely different from what your momma gave ya, how come?  

 

Dark Brown.  It is all natural as of right now.  I have had dark blonde and red highlights put in and thinking of doing it again.  I posted a pic of it on Thousand Word Thursday.  I did leave out that in the top front I have a "bald" spot.  A very thin spot that has been there for years with no diagnosis as to why.  So that spot is definitely not from my weight loss.  

7) Boxers or briefs? Alternatively…bikinis or granny panties?

Guys, I love Boxer-briefs.  For me, I am a comfort kind of gal.  Hi-cut in cotton.  :) Once I get thin, that may change. 

8) If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? (Trilogies do not count as one movie, cheaterpantses!)

 

Forrest Gump.  I love him!

9) What is your guilty pleasure (feel free to go straight to the gutter with this one if the spirit moves you!)

Time alone with peace and quiet because it is so rare.  Am I being a selfish mama to even admit that?

10) How many pounds gone forever are you celebrating??  

 

57 pounds... Hasta la Effin Vista Baby!!! 41 pre-op and my heaviest. 16 since banding Aug 19, 2010

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Motivation Monday & I have Protein Shakes

I do have protein shakes. I just hate them. :( In the photo is $100 worth of protein shakes. There is a guy here locally that sells them and he gave me about ten sample flavors. I thought they were the best tasting of all the proteins I tried. When I first tried them I thought they were great. Now to get them to my mouth is a battle. I have Strawberry-Kiwi, Cappuccino, and Perfect Chocolate. I love to mix the Cappuccino & Chocolate its almost like a Mocha Frapuccino. I dont drink coffee but I sure do love me a Mocha Frapuccino. :) I promise I will try a shake tomorrow morning. I have a little single cup blender and it makes them taste better when like a smoothie. However, I can't even tolerate them like that anymore :(

Needless to say, I think you all see what I am trying to motivate myself on... Protein Shakes.

Thank you all for caring. I really appreciate it.

Happy Monday All!

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48 Days No Protein

I wish that was my daugther's drawing. That is today's hair loss. :(

It has been almost 7 weeks since I had protein and I have another 2 to 3 weeks before I can have solids. I have had some mushie refried beans in the last 3 weeks. Some eggs over the weekend. Protein shakes... Hate them. Surgery on Aug 19th, two weeks pre-op. Two weeks post-op liquids and now almost 3 weeks on mushies. Sure, my body is looking better. Is the weight loss actually hair loss?

Yes, I cried when I saw that this morning only because each day has been like this for weeks now. Did any of you go through this? Does it end? Should I start looking at super short bald hairstyles?

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